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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Mike's LiveJournal:

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Monday, July 5th, 2004
12:36 pm
Oh, and I feel a little pressured to have sex when I don't feel like it. I'm the first guy to make her cum in five years so she's very frisky around me. Now normally I would be very happy with that, but my sex drive is way down and it's pretty hard for me to orgasm thanks to the drugs I take to keep me from being depressed or having panic attacks.

The pressure I feel is not her fault at all, because I have't really expressed myself yet. My own internal voice in my head keeps saying, "I can't say no to sex! I'm a GUY! You're a great lover! She'll like you more if you please her!" It's something I've always done in relationships sometimes so much that I'm not sure where my real sex drive ends and this stupid need to prove myself begins. It's like I'm constantly trying to show that I'm not a loser with no friends and no dates but that I can get SEX. Big whoop. I gave up proving myself with meaningless sex, and that is something, but not meaningful sex. I don't know know, it' something I got to work on. I really want to find the time to read the book Rhia gave me.
12:30 pm
CRAZY ONE. You need crazy partners. You dont mind
if he/she takes alc or drugs or smokes he is
not allowed to be boring. Open-Minded for
everything our partner should spent much time
with you. Your partner shall be spontaneous and
love danger. It is not that important if she/he
is rich or if he/she cuts his nails she/he must
follow you .You take the domination over the
relationship, you decide most of the times
where to go. If the sex is not good (any
more)you quit the relationship
For you it is better to leave than to see your
love restrained.
PLEASE VOTE, I want to know what you think about my
quiz, I worked hard on it.You can always
message me or tell me how I can improve that
quiz. Ill sure write back.

~THE big LOVE TEST!! What do you need? With PICS! For girls and boys!~
brought to you by Quizilla
12:13 pm
Well I finally went on an internet date that worked. Her name is Laura and we hit it off really quickly and suddently things are getting serious pretty fast (as in four days). I'm trying to slow it down though. She's already said that she doesn't want to get physical with anyone but me. I told her that I wasn't prepared to do the same and she said that was fine but that she wanted to know about it afterwords, which I think is fair. I'm not sure if I'm in love or not, which is very strange for me. I thought I was when I was with her, but looking back right now at this moment I'm suddenly not sure.

I've always had lighting quick falls into love before. They haven't really resulted in too much pain for me, and have seemed to work out, but it would be nice to have some slow development for once. Rhia and I had a talk on if I'm just looking for a girlfriend to fill a void in myself that needs to be filled by me, not someone else. I'm not sure what I think of that. I was feeling depressed one time and she came over and I stopped being depressed. Also, I was putting all this energy into e-mails for match and okcupid, but suddently I don't have any energy for that.

She's a really nice gal. Hispanic-Lakota-Scottish with this very sexy skin color, the cutest face in the word, and a nice volumptuous figure. She's smart, but like many smart people she has battles with emotional problems. Depressiona nd panic attacks which are way worse than mine. She says she's adventurous so I really want to get out and do something active with her.
Tuesday, March 30th, 2004
5:41 pm

From Match.com:
Dear Iamindy:

We’re currently unable to publish your profile because of the following criteria:

· Seeking multiple partners

One fricken line about how I'm in a polyamourus relationship with Rhia and bam, they make my profile unaccesable. I edited it out and just put "I'm very open about relationships. I'll tell you more about this in person." *Shrug* It's all I can do. Oh well.
Sunday, March 28th, 2004
1:03 pm
Wow. What a weekend. I like to get out. I REALLY like to
get out and do stuff. And since I got my GPS I’ve been
getting out a lot more. Because it’s easier to get to places
where I don’t have to rely on my non-existent sense of

But this weekend, . . . oh this weekend I did something I
haven’t done in a while. I went . . . OFF THE GPS! Dun-
dun-duuuuuuu! I know, I live a life of danger and

Me Arashi have been talking about going to a
hot spring for a long time. When I was in Japan I went to
them constantly. Like two or three times a week. But now
that I’ve come back to the US I haven’t been once. But last
weekend I went snowboarding and got really sore. And I’m on
spring break right now (at least for one more day . . . sob)
so I decide to travel to a hot spring with my friend. Thanks
to the lovely Internet we quickly found this cool place that
sounded like it wouldn’t have very many people and so off we
went. Or rather off we went after stopping off at Safeway so
I could get a loaf of French bread, polish sausage, and
cheese. Because how can you enjoy a trip to the hot springs
without French bread, polish sausage, and cheese. Eh? Eh?

At first my GPS was in control for the first hour. No
problem there. But after that we crossed a point where the
GPS was no longer of use. For some reason hot springs don’t
have a street address. I can’t imagine why.

So that’s when we whip out the Internet direction on how to
get there. Slight problem: we have no clue how long it will
take us. No problem, it can’t be too far. Right? Right?

Wrong. The trip that I thought would take 1 hour, 1 1/2 at
max, ended up double that. Without getting lost or taking
any breaks.

So as it is growing late we are driving to the hot springs,
which we have no idea of how far away they are, we do what
everyone would do in such a situation: stop at a random spot
in the middle of nowhere and climb a big old semi-dangerous

OK, that probably needs a little explanation. See, I’ve
driven on the freeways a lot and you always pass these big
hills that you can never see beyond. I’ve always wanted to
stop, climb one of those suckers and see what I could see.
Arashi is just as insane as me so off we went. It was muddy.
It was steep. It was filled with sticky branches. We had to
step very carefully and deliberatly and it was an absolute
and total blast. I didn’t see any great sights, I didn’t do
something that really pushed my physical limits, but I got a
bit of a rush from climbing up that bad boy and doing what I
had always wanted to do but just never got around to doing.
I’m like that. Like I’ve said, I never want to die and say,
"I wish I would have . . . "

The climb down was a bit scarier than the climb up (funny how
that works) and we took it nice and slow. No sense in
begging the gods to break one of our ankles before we even
got the chance to really start our trip.

After a brief look at the fantastic EMPTY view (have you ever
just been amazed at how serene and bereft of people so much
of Oregon is? I wished some of my Japanese students could
have seen it, because there is really almost no place in
Japan where you can look for miles and miles and see nothing
but nature. It would have blown them away.) we were off.

I won’t bore you (any more) with the details of driving. I’m
sure you’re familiar with the experience. But we got lost.
We followed the directions as best we could and kept finding
nothing. It was getting really late and the hours flew by
and if I hadn’t been with my friend I would have given up.
The internet directions said the signs to the hot springs
were clearly marked.





So eventually we stopped and asked for directions. I would
have done it sooner (not all stand-up comedy routines from
the 1980’s are true) but there was simply no one to ask until
we came across this family. Now, I don’t want to be mean to
that family. They were really nice, and they helped us a
lot, and I’m very grateful to them. But man, they were the
platonic ideal of rural good ol boys and gals out for a
little campin, huntin, and fishin. Tobacco stained shirts,
big grizzly beards that had some food in it, guts that were
half of their bio-mass, the whole works. I think the first
words I heard them say when I got out of my car were, "Dat
der fellow’s got blue hair." Which is an accurate enough
comment but it was said in the same tone I might say, "The
sky is red and green polka-dotted today."

But again, they were really nice people who helped us out and
if they are happy with themselves, than I am completely happy
for them. It takes all kinds, you know?

So we got directions and finally got there. There were a
couple cars and I did a bit of wishing that we could have the
hot springs to ourselves before Arashi informed me that there
are about six other billion people on the planet and that I
have to be prepared to occasionally run into them.

It was already late and the sun was setting. A while ago we
realized that we didn’t have a flashlight, but decided that
we’d be OK without it.

"Oh, no problem. We can’t get by without it. Don’t worry" –
Last words of about a billion people throughout the whole of
human history.

So we hike to the hot springs over this really cool trail
with a bunch of wooden bridges. We get there and we start to
realize how dark it is. Really really dark. Oh well. Who
needs light to run something as simple as a hot spring tub?

But the hot spring doesn’t have anything like a simple "ON-
OFF" switch. At least that we could find as we were doing
our best to develop a "radar sense" to make up for the whole
"not being able to see the wall" thing. The tub has a wooden
hollow beam with something jammed inside and a spongy ball
attached. After great trial and error we figure out how to
remove the key (the thing jammed in the hollow wooden beam)
and fill up the tub with nice hot spring water.

Very hot water. In fact, extremely hot water. Water that I
would prefer to use to boil shell fish rather than to
actually sit in myself. So while scrambling around in the
dark I find a bucket and wander outside and eventually find
an ice cold tub. Now, my hands were only slightly
frostbitten after the hike, so plunging them into water that
is a cold breeze away from being ice felt just dandy.

I hauled the bucket back to the hot tub. The tub was all
filled up. Now we just needed to stop the boiling water from
coming up.

Yep. Just needed to stop it.

Any second now we’ll figure how to get this key back into the

Any fricken second now.

OWWWW! My hand.

(Note: I do not recommend pushing wooden plugs up waterfalls
of very hot water for more than one or two seconds, maximum.)

So off I go like a total newbie to ask some of the other
people how you work this complex invention called "a tub." I
get some advice and a big wooden block, neither of which
helps, so back to burning my hands. Eventually I figure out
that if I hold my finger up inside the spout for a few
seconds I can find the exact position of the hole that fits
the plug and then slide the key/plug into it with only a 50%
loss of nerve endings in both hands.

So I’ve stopped the hot water from coming out. Now it’s just
time to get into the nice warm tub that is COMPLETELY EMPTY

Yarg, I say.


When attempting to stop the water I had pulled away the
rubber ball that plugged the tub. So we have a nice little
waiting period to put the rubber ball in the plug at the
bottom of the tub, pull out the key, fill up the tub, add the
cold water and get it just right, put the key back in, and
then . . .

And then heaven.


Just wow.

Man did it feel good. My body that had been shivering in the
cold was now bathed in the minerally goodness of the hot
water. My muscles began to relax, and my thoughts just
drifted and I felt at peace for a while.

Me and Arashi had a great time in the tub, talking, petting
each other, cuddling, and just enjoying the wonderful
sensation of being in a peaceful place with a really nice

One of the best experiences was sitting in the hot water
while the cool rain lightly sprinkled down on your body and
you looked at the stunningly gorgeous sky and tree line.
Long after all the trials and tribulations we went through to
get there have been forgotten, that beautiful feeling will
still be remembered by both of us.

I don’t know how long we stayed in that tub. Time just kind
of flashed by. I had a panic attack damn it, but I took some
medicine and that helped.

Our skin became more and more wrinkly and eventually it
became time to go. We tidied up the area, dried ourselves
off, and went off down the path to get to my car.

Or should I say, THE PATH OF DOOM!


The first little part wasn’t too bad. The light from the hot
springs was still visible so we got along ok. But the
further we got, the less of the path we could see. Acting
all McGuiver-ish I whipped out my watched and pushed the
light button to help us see. It was about as useful as
rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic.

Now one thing I didn’t mention about the path . . . it had a
cliff in it. Not a 90 degree cliff, but one of those nice an
easy muddy cliffs that you would slide down to your death at
a mere 96 degree angle.

We stumbled down the path for a ways and once we ran into
this muddy area that had a circle of trees, bushes, big
rocks, and other things you don’t normally find on a well
made trail, Arashi turned to me and said, "This is NOT a
path!" Heading the wisdom of her advice and having this
"thing" about plummeting to our deaths, we headed back to the
hot springs to beg a flashlight off of someone, anyone. The
walk back to the hot spring was almost as much fun as the
walk away from the hot spring.

We got there and found this couple with a light on their room
and I approached to ask them. At this point a dog started
barking really loud and really angrily at me. I would guess
that in dog-language he was telling me, "I’m gonna rip off
your nuts! Rip em off, off, off! Bite, bite, bite. Chew
chew chew."

The strangers eventually calmed their dog down and asked us
what we wanted. We explained our plight and they took pity
on us and said that they will help us out.

In ten minutes.

It could just be my dirty mind but I think we may have caused
a little couitus interuptus.

So when they got done with their "soaking" we formally
introduced ourselves and off we went back to the car using
the high tech light of flash.

It was amazing how fast the trip went when we weren’t
constantly crawling along to make sure that our next step
wasn’t off a cliff.

We got back to the car and did a little happy dance that we
were safe and sound. I told Arashi that we almost had an
adventure. Not a quirky little experience, which is what we
normally have, but a real adventure. A real adventure is
when things are not fun but rather really scary,
uncomfortable, and dangerous. They may be cool in
retrospect, but while they are happening real Adventures suck
big time.

So, all set to go right? This overlong exposition can end
right? Nothing more of interest could possibly happen right?
Sure, nothing except I decided that I didn’t want to drive
all the way home and that Arashi could do it so we had better
switch seats. We opened the doors and felt something . . .
strange. Arashi yelled and a large WTF later I realized that
the car was going backwards. I tried slamming on the breaks,
both emergency and normal, and I even tried shifting it into
park. I fell back on my Sears Driving School training, but I
guess I wasn’t fast enough because . . . CRASH. Stop.

Wooo-ooo-beep-beep-beep-wooo-oooo-beep-beep-beep -wooo-ooo.
A siren started to sound. Have you ever known a siren to
mean that something good has just happened?

I crawled out of the car and realized that my back bumper had
just hit the back bumper of another car.

I sooooooooo did not need that to happen right then.

I pulled the car forward and inspected the damage. My car’s
bumper was completely cracked. My car doesn’t have one of
those nice metal bumpers that actually, you know, works as a
bumper. Rather it’s a modern bumper that is designed to
crunch on impact to save your life. That’s great for life
saving crashes, not so hot for minor fender benders.

I look at the other guy’s big huge honking metal mammoth of a
car and look at his 1/2 ton piece of iron bumper. Not a
scratch. Not a bit of paint on it. Absolutely nothing that
I can see abnormal about it. I pulled the car around to make
my headlights search it and still couldn’t find anything that
looked the least bit wrong.

The nice people who helped us leave saw the whole thing.
They came over to look at it too. They couldn’t see any
damage either. One of them said, "Well, no damage. I don’t
even think you need to leave a note."

I was upset. I was tired. There was nothing wrong with the
car I had hit. I wanted this night to be done with. I didn’t
want to leave a note. If I had done damage there wouldn’t
have even been a question about it, and of course I would
have left a detailed note about myself and how to contact me.

But there wasn’t any damage so I just got in the car and had
Arashi drive me off while I fumed at myself.

Then . . . Jiminy Cricket started appearing on my shoulder.

I had hit and run.

_I_ might not have been able to see any damage, but what if
the owners did? Who was I to say I could just ignore a law
because I was upset? So after a mental bitch slapped I had
Arashi turn around. I wrote out a note telling what
happened, put my name and phone number down on it and told
them to call me if they saw any damaged. I wrapped the note
in a Safeway bag so it wouldn’t become unreadable in the
rain, and put it on the windshield of the car I hit.

They never did end up calling me, but I’m really glad I went
back and left the note anyway. I called my issuance company
the next day and they told me I had a 500 dollar deductible
and my insurance would go up but not by too much. I’m
getting my car appraised on Thursday.

But on the ride home I slowly calmed down and accepted the
accident. What was done was done and could not be undone. I
always try and learn from my life experiences. The crash
told me to "Drive safer than you already do" (even though I’m
already a very cautious driver – I still don’t know exactly
what happened there) but it also taught me how it is good to
keep things in perspective.

The crash was annoying, sure. But in a month at maximum my
car will look as good as new. 500 bucks is expensive but it
won’t result in me eating cat food. The damage was entirely
localized in the bumper, which is all one part and can easily
be replaced. I hadn’t hurt anyone or done any damage that
could have caused serious consequences. It could have been a
worse. A lot worse. I should really remember that. It’s
better to be glad of that than to be pissed off at how life
doesn’t always go exactly how we want it to.

You know what? I’m not going to remember this minor fender-
bender for very long. But I will remember a great trip with
a nice friend, a cool story or two to tell, a the sensation
of a very serene moment for a very long time.
Saturday, March 27th, 2004
11:15 am
Took me a month or two, but here are my answers to the question's Rhia asked me.

> 1) If the Buffy Universe was real, and at age 15 you were saved from a really ugly demon by some slayer or other, how do you think you'd have turned out different (assuming you survived to age 25 at least)?<

I would be a warrior against the forces of evil and darkness. Seriously. I would have probably devoted all the time I've spent learning about history to instead learn about demons, vampires, etc and how to kill them. Almost being killed by a demon would have given me some very real physical direct way to chanell my passions and drive. I'd try to figure out how I could best serve the cause. If that's by researching in a library, so be it. If it meant risking my life, so be it too. I might end up in that secret government program as I think that would be the more effective way to fight.

I'd still joke and laugh and have much of my same personality, but you know that i have a dead calm and ruthlessness I often show when thinking about history and war. That would be intensified. I'd probably be more happy too, as I would feel I had more of a purpose in the world and that I was acomplishing great things.

I'd also be _very_religious.

> (does that count as alternate history?)

No. It's fan fic. Specifically self-insertion fan fic.

> 2) What are your current thoughts on "God"?

I believe that there is probably something out there that goes beyond physics. I don't think any religion or person really knows what it is. The Unitarians are the ones I like the best because that's kind of their creed. I sometimes experience physical feelings of contact with my own and other spirituality. Scientifically I know that this can be explained away, but I think to do so is a bit intellectually dishonest. Just because we can explain that we only "see" something because we have eyes that reflect light doesn't mean something isn't there. I'm not sure about what God is like. He could be kind and loving or indifferent. I just don't know. But when I pray I consider God to be a kind creator who set humanity on a course to something greater.

I don't know what God has in store for me in the afterlife. I hope it's better and reincarnation until you get it right sounds like the fairest thing to me. On the other hand, life isn't fair so I don't see why the afterlife will be.

In sum, I think God probably exists and I'd like to know God more.

> 3) Why haven't you joined the SCA yet, like you said you wanted to?

Because I'ma horrible procrastinator. I think I'm that because my depreshion makes it harder to start things. Once I do start however, my drive kicks in and I get more into it. It might also be that until things are done they remain perfect in potential and then reality intervenese once things get started. New social situations also scare me. I would have gone a lot sooner if I could have gone with my good friend "Bob the SCA Guy" who would be my crutch in meeting new people.

> 4) What do you really want out of your romantic relationships?

Intense conection on many levels. A great friend and lover. A help to my own growth. Extra energy to help me get started in doing stuff. An ability to give up leadership at times when I don't want the responsibility. Trust. Help makeing me feel better about myself. Long term stability (knowing that this person will be with me for the long haul). Good sex, knowledge that I really please my partner, and help in overcoming any of my own sexual isssues. A parterner in adventures. A resptical for all the love I have to give and a giver of love back. A feeling of acomplishment. A feeling that I am helping someone.

That's what I can come up with now, but there is probably more.

> 5) What do I not know about you that you would most like me to know?

I'd most like it if you knew that the following statement is true, not just know that I beleive it to be true: My points of views, opinions, philosphies and means to ends that you vehemitally disagree with are not evil or insane.

Wherther the above statement actually is true or not is irrelivant to your question. We often know things that are not true. The statement is something that you do not _know_ about me, but that I wish you did.


OK, anyone want me to ask them five questions now?
Tuesday, March 23rd, 2004
3:39 pm
Interesting facts

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it!)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.)
(I'm still not over the pig.)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
(Do not try this at home...... maybe at work.)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
("Honey, I'm home. What the....?!")

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes... lucky pig... can you imagine??)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)

Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(OK, so that would be a good thing...)

A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(Wonder who got paid to figure that one out?)

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains.
(I know some people like that too.)

Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer.)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)
Saturday, March 13th, 2004
1:51 am
Aaaurgh! This 'puter is really sad! I type qwertyuiopasdfghjkl and "!" ok(period) The others are too sad - I write with a--defghijkl--opqrstu-w-y-! HARD!!! Help please (period period period)
Thursday, February 19th, 2004
2:34 pm
This is my contract that I wrote up for my new Rommie. She thought it was neat so that's definitly a good sign.

Rental Agreement

1. __________________________, hereafter known as the first party, agrees to rent a room in her condo to __________________________, hereafter known as the second party for the sum of $375 dollars per month beginning on February 16, 2004.

2. By signing this contract the first party confirms that she has received the first and last months rent from the second party. Hence, no payment will be necessary for the second pary’s last month at the first party’s condo.

3. The second party agrees to pay half of each month’s electric bill.

4. The second party must pay for each month’s rent on the 16th of that month. It is at the discretion of the first party to give the second party an extension if she wants to. The first party is under no obligation to do so.

5. This contract may be canceled at any time by the first party so long as the first party gives the second party 30 days notice of cancellation.

6. This contract may be canceled at any time by the second party as long as the second party gives the first party 30 days notice of cancellation.

7. There is no number 7.

8. The first party agrees to take care of her dog. This means that the second party gets all the benefits of having a dog with none of the responsibilities. The second party affirms that he likes dogs.

9. The first party agrees to be a cool roomie.

10. The second party agrees to be a cool roomie.
Wednesday, February 18th, 2004
3:39 pm
Ugh . . . so tired. Why is it that everything seems to happen at once? I'm finally moved in but all my stuff is in bundles and I have no clue where anything is. I had to search 10 minutes this morning to find my shaver so I wouldn't look like a complete shaggy when I went and sined the final papers for leaving my apartment. Then a whole bunch of arons, then to school, get caught up on e-mail, then now that i'm almost done with that I have to rush to read todays readings for class. I'll get home around 9:30 utterly exausted just like I have for almost the entire week. I'm usually a night person but I've been fining myself going to sleep around midnight and sleeping almost 11 hours! I need to buy an alarm clock.

And for weeks I've had tons of free time over the weekend, but this weekend suddenly a ton of social fun came up. Don't get me wrong, I'm excited about all of them, but why couldn't they have happend a few weeks ago when I was bored?

C'est la vie. It will be good to see my friends again.

Oh, and I'm without internet at my house so I can only check at school. Calling me is probably the best way to give me a message. I'll still check my e-mail but it could be a couple of days before I get it.

Best wishes and I hope to see my friends soon.
Sunday, February 15th, 2004
2:22 pm

. . .

I have to pack everything I own and move it. Eep.

I'll do the packing and have it all ready by tomorrow, but if anybody can lend a hand it would be greatly apreciated.

I'm so happy!
2:42 am
I might have found a place. Everyone, I could sure use any good vibes you could send my way.

Best wishes,
Friday, February 13th, 2004
12:09 pm
I am sooooooooooooooo fucked.

I thought I had an room in a house to rent, the girl said it was good for me to move in, but she had a talk about it with her boyfriend, he freaked out about her living with a guy, and at the very last minute (this morning) she called and told me I couldn't move in. She was real apologetic about it, but still she left me high and dry. It's a done deal that I'm moving very soon so I'm scrambeling to find some other place.

Does anyone know of any rooms for rent at least semi-near Marylhurst University?

PLEASE HELP. I've just become pretty darn desperate.
Wednesday, February 11th, 2004
2:58 pm
Well, here is a What if from my newsgroup that might interest you guys:

-- 1977. Gary Gygax and friends decide to take Dungeons and Dragons,
the new "role playing game" that they've developed over the last few
years, and go prime time. Up to then, D&D consisted of a collection
of small, crudely printed pamphlets, intermittently available at SF
conventions and board game stores. Gygax & Co. decided to put it all
together in three large, hardcover books and make it more widely
available. So they swept together most of the stuff that they'd
written, added some new material and some truly dreadful artwork, and
published it as "Advanced Dungeons and Dragons".

Now generally known as "First Edition", AD&D consisted of a Player's
Guide, a Dungeon Master's Guide, and a Monster Manual. Production
values were low -- the DM Guide in particular tended to debind and
disintegrate with extended use, and the artwork, especially on the
covers, still makes me wince in memory. But that was normal enough
back then, and wasn't really a problem.

The /problem/ was, the system was a god-awful kludge. If you never
played AD&D, you won't easily be able to grasp how kludgy it was. If
you have, you're already nodding in fond remembrance.

The armor classes that worked backwards. The endless tables -- seven
different sorts of saving throw, four different combat matrices. The
thief skill table (ten things a thief could do, twenty levels, two
hundred percentile scores, each to be adjusted by race and dexterity
score.) The tacked-on-at-the-last-minute psionics system. The wizard
class, pathetically feeble at low levels, unstoppable at high. The
bard class, about which the less said the better. The freaky
experience point system (one troll could whip three hill giants, but
the giants gave twice the EP, because they had more hit dice.) The
awful artwork -- wait, I mentioned that already. The character
attributes: remember rolling percentile dice after you put the 18 in
Strength? Remember trying to come up with a reason to put anything
but your lowest score in Charisma? The bizarre fascination with

Well. It was a mess, although a strangely compelling one. And
because it was a mess, everyone came up with house rules to try to fix
it, and everyone dabbled in other games hoping for something that
would give a better, or at least smoother, experience.

Fast forward about 20 years to 1998. We'll skip over Second Edition
(c.1987), which looked good at the time but in retrospect was just
replacing kludge with different kludge.

Third Edition was something else again. It retained the essentials --
character classes, character races, the magic system, alignment -- and
was still recognizably D&D. But it made sense in a way that D&D never
had before. Again, I won't go into details; if you've played both 1e
and 3e, you know just what I'm talking about.

Here's the thing, though. Much of what eventually became 3e had been
around for a long time. In fact, a lot of it had been around before
1e. Dave Arneson developed a feat system back in the early '70s. A
skill system had been on the drawing table since day one. The 3e
combat system grew out of house rules from the earliest days in Lake
Geneva; people had been playing something like it for a long, long
time. And so forth. Surprisingly little of 3e was really original,
and much of it dated back to the earliest days of the game.

So, the WI: Gygax gets a tap on the head in the early '70s, and
becomes a slightly different Gygax. He's a bit less fascinated with
having his own way, and a bit more into providing a smooth gaming

So 1e comes out a few months later -- more playtesting, more creative
noodling, more willingness to throw out encrustations and hangovers
from the game's origin as a set of miniatures rules. And when it does
come out, it looks a lot like the 3e of OTL. It's still D&D, but the
rules are way more logical and internally consistent. It's easier to
learn and easier to play. Perhaps its fractionally less embarrassing
to be associated with, though probably not... I doubt the artwork will
be any better. But anyhow, internally it's a very different game.

Now, what effect on the development of the hobby?

Pro: it expands a bit faster, I think. The learning curve, and the
seeming senselessness -- no, not seeming, the actual senselessness --
of many of the rules, put a lot of people off. And if 1e has
something like the "D20 System" at its heart, it may expand quickly
into various spinoff games. D&D computer games appear a bit earlier
(3e adapts to computer play much, much better than 1e ever did).
Possibly LARPs evolve a bit earlier -- I'm not /completely/ sure
that's a good thing, but put it in the "pro" column.

Con: possibly the rest of the hobby is stunted. Probably, even.
There'll still be niche games -- Traveller, Call of Cthulhu -- but I
doubt there'll be a Runequest or a GURPS. (Half the point of GURPS
was to get away from the awful D&D system.)

TSR is much more dominant in this TL. But it's not nicer or smarter.
*Gygax is a bit more into quality control and good rules, but
otherwise he's still Gygax. So, no Open Gaming License (that'd be a
separate and intriguing POD, but never mind now).

I suspect that, up to about 1990, you have a RPG world that looks sort
of Microsoft-y.

After that... well, do we still see the wave of "Vampire" type RPGs?
Was that driven by dynamics internal to the industry (fatigue with the
various old RPGs, reaction against "goody-goody" D&D, desire for
something with a simple _system_ but a fractally complex _world_) or
external to it (Goth culture, _Sandman_, the latest wave of horror
books and movies, a certain sort of late '80s geek-weltschmerz)?

And if TSR still runs into big financial difficulties in the '90s,
what then? It'll be a bigger and more dominant TSR, so Wizards of the
Coast may not be able to afford to buy it. If TSR goes belly up
altogether, whither role playing?


2:50 pm
I'm Moving This Sunday
Well, the subject pretty much tells the jist of this post.

This Sunday I will be moving out of my apartment in Lake Oswego and into someplace new. Why? Long story, not for live-journal, and one I'd rather tell face-to-face.

I'll be renting a truck as I've got a lot of junk to hall, so transportation won't be much of a problem. However, lunging all my stuff to different places is going to be a big effort. So if anybody would be kind enough to help me, they would be much apreciated as well as being rewarded with punch and pie or other goodies. If you're busy or whatnot, I totally understand, no biggee.

But yea, I could really reallly use some help here. Please let me know if you can come. And if you know of anybody who enjoys helping someone else move (Hey, there could be someone like that) please invite them.

Big time thanks for those who can help, and perfect understanding for those who can't. No biggedee.

Best wishes,
Wednesday, January 28th, 2004
5:05 pm
There are two really cool new tests over at match.com One tests your personality, and the other tests what you consider to be attractive. It gives you a whole bunch of people you have to rate, choose between, and give a thumbs up or thumbs down to. Only takes about 10 mintues to take and it sends you this huge long report and your preferences.

Here is what I find attractive according to Match.com's test:

Here is a summary of your report.

Favorite Qualities
Women under age 35
Women over age 25
So-called "Ectomorphs," or thin angular faces
Green eyes
Blonde hair
Wavy hair

Favorite Looks
You especially liked a pattern scientists refer to as "Ectomorphs." Geometrically, they are similar to triangles, because they are widest at the cheekbones and then narrow to a relatively pointed chin. Women Ectomorphs tend to have long, narrow noses and prominent cheekbones. Historically, these faces have been viewed as delicate, and combined with the typical lean build, can give a very feminine overall impression. About 46% of other men especially prefer women with this face type.

Unique Traits

This report highlights your "unique" tastes, or what makes some women personally attractive to you but not to everyone else.

Interestingly, a lot of the features you liked are not especially popular. They're not what usually defines "mainstream" attractiveness for women. But who cares what the mainstream thinks?! Below is a list of some of the unique features you found appealing in women.

Unique Features You Like:

Sometimes, you like younger women, by a good gap

Sometimes, you like women over 5 years older than you

More unique than "mainstream" appeal

Nice looking Asian women

Very attractive Hispanic or Latino women

Thin, angular faces with a classic or refined look

Cute, button or small noses

Not Your Type

Women who are "Not Your Type" are not seen as appealing and would typically not be considered candidates for dates or relationships (unless they had other extraordinary qualities). In the test, you picked more women as appealing than you picked as unappealing.

Although you quickly knew who was not appealing to you, there were only a few common features that set them apart. See this short list below. Obviously, you just know what does and does not work for you physically.

Features You Usually Don't Like:

Women over age 35

High "mainstream" appeal, with little unique flair

Attractive in a "mainstream" sort of way

How Many Men Share Your Taste in Women?
How many other men your age like this type of woman? Looking at over 10,000 men in your age group who have taken the test, about 21% are attracted to the same types you are.

Are You Picky?

Who is attractive or beautiful? Men approach this in five different ways, from being very open to very picky, and from mainstream tastes to more unique tastes. Here's what your choices told us.
What Is Your Approach to Judging Which Women Are Beautiful or Very Attractive?

Unique Tastes In Women: You are open to seeing a variety of women as attractive. Sure, women with "movie star" good looks catch your eye, but you are often equally wowed by more normal "cute" women. You are not one to judge people based on their looks. In fact, you're genuinely drawn to women that others might dismiss. Maybe it's because you don't buy into society's checklist for "mainstream" attractiveness. Instead, you notice unique features like a cute nose, beautiful eyes, or a cute butt, that make some women special in your eyes. For you, attraction is about the total package.

How You Compare?

Open: You have a more open and accepting view of what makes a woman attractive than a lot of other men your age. In the test, you didn't pick the most "popular" women, but instead seemed to focus on your own personal tastes. This doesn't necessarily mean that looks are less important to you than to other men. You simply have a unique set of criteria and keep your eyes open for special qualities that make a woman, who may seem ordinary to most, extraordinary to you.

What Is Your Preferred Age Range?
Based on the photos you selected, you are interested in dating women somewhere between ages 20 and 35.

How Young Will You Go?
The age of the women you're attracted to and the age of the women you want to date is about the same.

How Old Will You Go?
With the right combination of features, you may find women up to age 50 to be personally appealing. However, you only seem interested in DATING women who are no more than age 35.


Your choices show a consistent interest in a wide variety of Asian women. These women really stood out to you as being very appealing.
45% of the women you found attractive are Asian.
20% of the women you found "date-able" are Asian.


A Caucasian woman's skin tone and hair color did not appear to have any effect on whether you found her appealing or not.
60% of the Caucasian women you found attractive had fair or light skin.
65% of the Caucasian women you found attractive had blonde or light colored hair.

Hispanic and Latino

Your choices show a definite interest in Hispanic and Latino women. Their appeal to you depends on a variety of features that you find particularly attractive.
45% of the women you found attractive are Hispanic and Latino.
15% of the women you found "date-able" are Hispanic and Latino.

Your Likes and Dislikes

Your Type
Unique Traits
Not Your Type
How You Compare


Are You Picky?
How You Compare
Others' Ratings


Preferred Range

Coloring and Ethnicity

Black/African Descent
Hispanic and Latino

Face Types

Your Favorite Face Types

Body Types

Your Favorite Body Types
Other Favorite

Feature by Feature

Face and Chin Shape
Eyes and Glasses
Lips and Smiles

Evaluate this Report
The Science Inside

<< previous | next >>

What Is Your Preferred Age Range?
Based on the photos you selected, you are interested in dating women somewhere between ages 20 and 35. See the graph below for specifics.

How Young Will You Go?
The age of the women you're attracted to and the age of the women you want to date is about the same.

How Old Will You Go?
With the right combination of features, you may find women up to age 50 to be personally appealing. However, you only seem interested in DATING women who are no more than age 35.

Note: This test focuses primarily on ages 20 to 50. Over time, we will be expanding this age range. Thank you for your patience.

Your Favorite Body Types
Your choices suggest you like what scientists call the "Meso-Endomorph" body type. In other words, you like "real" women who have curves and are not fragile or delicate. She has "big bones," which you'll notice in her wide shoulders and thick wrists. She's never been skinny, but she's relatively lean given her frame. With good posture and a mostly flat stomach, she looks great in clothes. Depending on her exercise routine, she can easily put on muscle or fat, so as she ages she can become "stocky." You'll find 4% of singles have this basic body type. Watch for features like prominent square or roundish jaws, oval-shaped faces, broad shoulders, and big hands.

A woman's height is extremely important to some men. According to choices you made in the test, you prefer to date only women who are about the same height as you. This is the best "fit" for you!

Other Body Types You Like
You also liked the body type scientifically called a "Mesomorph." This is a fancy way of saying that you like slender, athletic women. When she was younger and leaner, she had the classic Mesomorph broad shoulders and hips with a narrow waist, but like most of us, she's added some extra pounds. She carries her weight well, though, since it's usually evenly spread across her upper body. Around 1% of single women are Mesomorphs. Keep your eyes out for other signs like prominent jaws, square or rectangular shaped faces, good posture, and large wrists and hands. [Oh, and this type is prone to have very cute "bubble" butts!]

Breast Size
While you may enjoy looking at different breast sizes, based upon the choices you made, you prefer a well-endowed woman with much larger breasts.

According to choices you made in the test, this is an example of the breast size you liked most:

Top Choice

Your Favorite Face Types

Faces are made of different combinations of features and structures. You chose two particular patterns of women's faces repeatedly across a variety of ages, coloring, and attractiveness levels.
You especially liked a pattern scientists refer to as "Ectomorphs." Geometrically, they are similar to triangles, because they are widest at the cheekbones and then narrow to a relatively pointed chin. Women Ectomorphs tend to have long, narrow noses and prominent cheekbones. Historically, these faces have been viewed as delicate, and combined with the typical lean build, can give a very feminine overall impression. About 46% of other men especially prefer women with this face type.

Faces known scientifically as "Ecto-Mesomorphs" also caught your eye. Women express this type in two ways. One version has a rectangular face shape that is long and narrow. The other type's face shape is often compared to a diamond or a heart, because it is wide at the cheeks and then has a sharply angled jaw. Ecto-Mesomorph women have either delicate pointed chins or chins that are slightly squared-off or rounded at the base. This "classic" face type is one of the most idealized for women and can be found on most movie and music idols. These women also tend to have lean, but shapely, builds when they're young. About 57% of other men especially prefer women with this face type.

Aside from the specific face types and features you like, there is often an overall "quality" about a woman that makes her especially appealing. There's something about her style and the personality she conveys that sets her apart. Next, we illustrate two "looks" that capture some of the common traits we saw across your choices.

There's something about the energy and youthful appeal of "Cheerleaders" that's hard to resist. We use this name to describe a group of women who's facial features combine feminine beauty with a "tomboy" flair. They usually have blonde or light brown hair--cut short, small button noses, and wide smiles. These aren't "perfect" beauty contest winners. But their vivacious personality comes across even in photographs and makes their overall impression one of dazzling beauty. You won't be surprised to find out that more than 1 in 4 men (27%) still want to date the head cheerleader.

Women with a "Girl Next Door" appeal also caught your eye during the test. Most of these women were young adults, but there's something about their "girlish" and "innocent" look and charm that will stay with them even as they get older. Long, straight hair (often light brown), an open and warm face, very feminine features, and a soft smile are among the hallmarks of this look. 1 in 5 men (20%) describe this as their favorite "look."

Your Favorite Body Types
Your choices suggest you like what scientists call the "Meso-Endomorph" body type. In other words, you like "real" women who have curves and are not fragile or delicate. She has "big bones," which you'll notice in her wide shoulders and thick wrists. She's never been skinny, but she's relatively lean given her frame. With good posture and a mostly flat stomach, she looks great in clothes. Depending on her exercise routine, she can easily put on muscle or fat, so as she ages she can become "stocky." You'll find 4% of singles have this basic body type. Watch for features like prominent square or roundish jaws, oval-shaped faces, broad shoulders, and big hands.

Other Body Types You Like
You also liked the body type scientifically called a "Mesomorph." This is a fancy way of saying that you like slender, athletic women. When she was younger and leaner, she had the classic Mesomorph broad shoulders and hips with a narrow waist, but like most of us, she's added some extra pounds. She carries her weight well, though, since it's usually evenly spread across her upper body. Around 1% of single women are Mesomorphs. Keep your eyes out for other signs like prominent jaws, square or rectangular shaped faces, good posture, and large wrists and hands. [Oh, and this type is prone to have very cute "bubble" butts!]

Breast Size
While you may enjoy looking at different breast sizes, based upon the choices you made, you prefer a well-endowed woman with much larger breasts.

Face and Chin Shape

According to the photos you selected, you like women with so-called "diamond" faces. The diamond face is usually very angular with its widest point at the temples, a somewhat short forehead, and longer tapered chin. Diamond faces are among the most common of the face shapes. Halle Berry and Reese Witherspoon have diamond faces.

You are drawn to women with pointed-square chins. With a pointed-square chin, the slope of the jaw begins just above or at the level of the mouth and ends in a medium leveling or wide rounding off at about smile width. Women with pointed-square chins usually have diamond or rectangular faces. This type of chin is very common in both male and female movie and TV stars.

You seemed especially interested in women with green eyes. In the test, you may not have even noticed eye color on a conscious level. However, those flashing green eyes apparently stood out to you on an unconscious level. Supposedly, green eyes give the impression of energy and sensuality. True green eyes are rare.

By your choices, you've shown that for whatever reason you're not attracted to women who wear glasses. You love beautiful eyes, and probably don't want anything to hide them.


Nose Type
You have an eye for women with attractive noses. You seemed especially interested in women with what's called a "Button" nose. These noses tend to be short in length, with a small bulb or "button" at the tip. From a profile, button noses turn slightly upward at the tip. Even though you liked women with a variety of nose types, you seemed especially drawn to women with a "cute" and approachable look, which button noses tend to convey.

Nose Size
Regardless of the type or shape of the nose, you typically liked women's noses to be relatively small. Larger noses can distract from the woman's overall looks and did not seem to appeal to you in the test.

You preferred women to have nice average-sized lips; not too thin and not too full. Even though thicker lips are more popular, you were not especially drawn to them. Perhaps it's because you like very natural-looking women, without a lot of makeup.

You love women with big, happy smiles. You were much less interested in photos where the women had small grins or serious expressions. Although you probably didn't notice this tendency, the preference for big smiles fits your overall interest in women who look fun, friendly, and approachable.

Hair Style
Although you liked women with a variety of hair styles, you seemed to have a special interest in women with full, wavy hair. Although straight hair has been in fashion recently, wavy hair has historically been the "ideal" and most desired hair type for women. Thick, wavy hair tends to give women a very feminine and stylish look. And it's by far the best hair to run your fingers through!

Hair Length
You liked women with a variety of hair cuts, but you gave special attention to women with long hair. You seem to really appreciate women with beautiful hair. It's one of the qualities that seemed to grab your attention during the test. The good news is that long hair is coming back in style. So, there will be more and more who'll catch your eye. There will be lots of women whose long hair gives them a "feminine" and "girlish" quality you appear to be drawn to.

Hair Color
Blondes really catch your eye. In the test, you picked a definite subgroup of women who had a variety of different features and "looks," but many had blonde hair. Their hair seems to capture the youthful, natural quality in women that you find so personally appealing.


Pretty interesting test really. I recomend going over to match.com and taking it.
11:53 am
I took Rhia's brain test thingy. It was mostly right, but it thinks I'm more organized than I am:

Mike, you are mildly left-hemisphere dominant while showing a slight preference for auditory processing. This overall combination seems to indicate a well-working blend of logic and judgment and organization, with sufficient intuition, perception and creativity to balance that dominance.

You will at times experience conflict between how you feel and what you think which will generally be resolved in favor of what you think. You will find yourself interested in the practical applications of whatever material you have learned or whatever situation you face and will retain the ability to refine whatever knowledge you possess or aspects of whatever position you are in.

By and large, you will orient yourself toward intellectual activities and structure. Though not rigid, you will schedule yourself, plan, and focus on routine and continuity of operations, rather than on changes and disruptions

When changes or disruptions occur, you are likely to consider first how to ensure that such disruptions do The same balance is reflected in your sensory preference. You will tend to be reflective and measured in your interaction style. For the most part, you will be considered objective without being cold and goal-oriented while retaining the capacity to listen to others.

Preferentially you learn by listening and maintaining significant internal dialogues with yourself. Nevertheless, you have sufficient visualization capabilities to benefit from using graphs, charts, doodles, or even body movement to enhance your comprehension and memory.

To the extent that you are even implicitly aware of your hemispheric dominance and sensory style, you will feel most comfortable in those arenas which emphasize verbal skills and logic. Teaching, law, and science are those that stand out among the professions, along with technical sales and management.
Sunday, January 25th, 2004
10:32 pm
You're Abe Lincon! A loyal friend with
determination to finally claim your crush. In
someways, its all good...but in others...ooh be
(image credit: mtv.com)

What Clone High personality are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Friday, January 16th, 2004
3:41 pm
I answered the questions honestly, and I'm really happy I turned out as this guy:

Which Historical Lunatic Are You?
From the fecund loins of Rum and Monkey.
Sunday, January 11th, 2004
9:56 pm
What a Difference a Day Makes Pt 2

After that I was waiting for my girlfriend Jodee to call me. She does around 2:30 or something and we start talking. I tell her about my fun day and how excited I am to see her because we haven't seen each other for so long.

[Insert awkward pause from Jodee here]

She fumbled around a bit, and in as diplomatic way as possible got around to her main message, she was breaking up with me.

I was shocked. Not a clue that anything like this was coming. I thought the last few conversations were a little stilted, but I chalked that up to neither of us being phone people, not having seen each other in three weeks, and being stuck in the snow.

So was as sweet and as kind as one can be with such a message, but she said that she had been given a lot of time to think while trapped in the snow and that she just wasn't ready to have a serious relationship. Since she was sixteen she's gone from relationship to relationship without any real significant time to just be alone. That she needs time to figure out who she is without spending all her time and energy on another person. She said it was nothing that I had done and that I was incredible and wonderful and that she still wanted to be friends with me.

We talked some more but I needed some time to digest this so we took a break so I could call back in an hour an a half. I went into my room and cried my eyes out. I was so sad. I hadn't just loved her, I still love her. So very much. I fall for people so incredibly fast and then I give them my heart. Without any reservations I throw myself into them and fully invest myself. And in my entire life this had never had any real negative consequences. Every single other relationship I've had that ended was always after a long downward spiral and always at a point in which I wanted the relationship to end.

I've never had a bolt out of the blue like this. I never had a situation where I wanted desperatly for the other person to change their mind. It hurt like hell.

I felt like me and Jodee had such a great relationship, and the worst thing is, so did she. She said there was absolutely nothing that I had done wrong and that she still loved and liked me very much, but that she has to many emotional and psychological traumas to deal with right now and just doesn't feel like she should be in a relationship, especially one that went serious so fast.

If she had had this revelation with any of her previous boyfriends I wouldn't be in this situation, but it had to fall on me. Timing. Fucking timing.

I cried and I cursed and I kicked things, and I couldn't even be mad at her. If I love her, and I do, then I should want what is best for her and she's a better judge of that then me. I called her, and she came over.

We talked, we cried, we talked, and then we got into her problems for most of the night. I learned a lot of things that she hadn't shared with me yet. And it was quite distressing that I hadn't realized she was keeping so much of her inner problems from me.

We cuddled, but kept it all nice and clean. We explored a lot of her issues, I talked about how the breakup made me feel, and while I want to be together I truly believe that it probably isn't the best thing for her.

I wanted everything perfectly clear, so I asked about specific details and stuff. She doesn't want to date anyone, but I'm free to do whatever I want and she won't hold it against me. If she works her stuff out and feels like she's ready to date again, she'd like to date me but we'll see where we are then. For now, we are friends. Just friends, and I am 100% single.

No commitments to anyone.

Which is another way of saying that I am now alone.

Fuck. I was happy being in a relationship with Jodee. Really really happy. I love and like her, a lot. I thought she could be the one. And now it's over. Maybe it'll start again with her, but maybe it won't and even if it does it'll be a long time away (how quickly do most people solve serious physiological problems?). I really hate searching and I really thought my searching might be done.

I know it's probably the post break up depression talking, but I can't picture my self spending the time and energy to find a girlfriend for a long long time. And girlfriends never just "happen when I'm not looking." Never. I know they do for other people, but never to me for some reason. I always have to be the initiator. So unless I want to put a lot of work into it, and I don't, I'm going to be alone for a while now.

So 24 hours after a fun party nice night, I'm sad, depressed, and eating all the remaining ice cream snickers bars. And the final irony is that I can't even get drunk, because of restrictions from my doctor. Instead I'm listing to sad love songs, which is probably worse for me in the long run.

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